THE FLORAL CHAINSAW

Book a Consultation

Professional Copywriting Services

for Software and Game Developers

WELCOME TO THE FLORAL CHAINSAW

I write so that you don’t have to. I edit so that you can look more professional. I localize from other languages so that we can preserve the original meaning of your words for a new audience.

FOR THOSE WHO HATE WRITING – I’VE GOT IT COVERED

Does this sound familiar?

You’re a tech-savvy type who is way more comfortable dealing with numbers, C#, and Python than writing out marketing emails.

In school, you flew through your science classes with no problems, but cringed any time a teacher mentioned the word “essay.”

And now that you’re in charge of your own software company, you’ve put off figuring out who is going to write the manual and sales copy for the new product you’re about to release because you know that none of your full-time programmers and devs want to deal with it any more than you do.

Your Solution?

The Floral Chainsaw.

Here are some of the ways that hiring The Floral Chainsaw can help your company.

TIME

If you outsource your writing projects to me, you know exactly when I will deliver the final products to you. Conversely, if you hand it to someone as a side project, they won’t know how to budget their time or be able to set a realistic deadline.

It also takes programmers away from the work that you are paying them a full-time salary to complete – and who is going to pick up their work while they are sidetracked by a writing job?

Let me write the boring stuff so that your team can do the jobs that they are paid to do.

BUDGET

Before you hire me for your project, you know exactly how much you are paying for the work. I charge per project, not an hourly rate – whatever is on the proposal is what you see on the invoice. No surprises, no B.S.

If you task a full-time developer with writing when it isn’t their job, not only are you paying a full-time salary for part-time work, but the results aren’t professional.

If you want good results, contract a good writer; it is cheaper, and you get a superior final product.

MORALE

As a programming and development expert, you – and your team – want to spend your working hours doing what you are good at. There are few things more disheartening than being put on the project that nobody wants.

Let me handle the writing projects so your team can get on with doing the programming, development, and design work that they enjoy and are good at.

Do not set your people up for failure. Instead, I will set you up for success.

SERVICE RATES

Special rates available for service packages and retainers.

One Month Content Package

$1500

  • 2x biweekly blog posts
  • 3x email promotion series
  • 1x landing page
  • 1x long form content piece

One Month Plus Content Package

$2000

  • 4x weekly blog posts
  • 5x email promotion series
  • 2x landing pages
  • 1x long form content piece

Two Month Content Package

$3000

  • 6x blog posts (weekly or bi-weekly)
  • 6x email promotion (two series)
  • 2x landing pages
  • 2x long form content pieces

All package rates include

One draft revision session – Taxes – Unlimited communication during standard working hours

Portfolio

Clicking an image will take you to the represented document.

ABOUT

Greetings! My name is Julia and I am the operator of The Floral Chainsaw.

In my life so far, I have been a writer, editor, photo development technician, Navy officer, college professor, and all-around lover of creating. I enjoy playing video games, learning new information, and working with people in STEM (science, tech, engineering, and math) fields. The first thing I said to the Navy recruiter was, “I like reading and writing boring papers.” He signed me up on the spot.

I have spent most of my career writing things for other people – usually things they didn’t want to write, didn’t know how to write, or both. I’ve written and edited everything from doctoral dissertations and professional biographies to technical instructions for operating shipboard security systems. Now I get to spend all of my time helping people with writing and get paid for it. Everybody wins.

Why “The Floral Chainsaw”? Because it’s unique, memorable, easy to spell, and is an accurate representation of my personality.

My favorite punctuation mark is the semicolon.